Sometimes you have to admit that you cannot escape your destiny. Which is the only way I can explain that I ended up in the kitchen tonight baking bread, making homemade tomato soup, canning crabapple sauce, and planning a blog post in my head. Yes, my kitchen is as messy as (or perhaps worse than) you are imagining. Even so, I feel right at home with it.

Three years ago, I had to give up gluten. It was my miracle healing that resulted in the nearly total elimination of my once daily migraines. I discovered my gluten sensitivity through the paleo diet and I stopped baking altogether. From a person who baked fresh bread every.single.day. to a person who couldn't have gluten and didn't know how to bake a thing...overnight. The change was a shock to my system, but I felt so healthy that I didn't mind a bit. Three weeks ago I discovered the gluten free crusty boule from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. That discovery changed my life. Can I mention, they are coming out with a new book Gluten-Free Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day (Due Out October 22, available for preorder).  Guess what this girl asked for as a birthday present.

For the past several years, I hadn't been able to do any canning.  When I found out I was pregnant with #2, I actually gave away most of my canning supplies to a friend who is into the homesteading thing.  I felt good about it all, until fall came around.  We harvested 3 laundry baskets of pears off our pear tree.  After freezing about 10 gallons, I gave in and canned 7 1/2 quarts of cinnamon pear sauce.  Several weeks later, the crabapples have been calling to me.  Today I could not resist their siren song anymore.  It's 9:30 p.m., my kitchen looks like somebody murdered a baker, and I feel peace with letting myself be Suzie-homemaker in her country kitchen.  I come from a long line of them.

On the other hand, I feel no regrets about not planting a garden this year and instead tilling up my garden plot to turn it into a playing yard and giving our chicken shavings to the neighbors to put on their garden.  They said, "We have been gardening this plot for 30 years and have never had as good a year as this one."  With all their extra produce coming our direction, I think it is a perfect gardening plan.

Babies are Always Dreams Filled

Great things have happened in my life since I last wrote on this blog. I really did not intend for 4 1/2 months to pass before I posted here again, but blogging got lost in the excitement and business of preparing our hearts and home to welcome a new baby.

 On May 29, we welcomed our baby girl, Diane, into the light and she captured our hearts immediately. In the moment I first held her, several dreams were completed.

Soon after I learned that I was expecting again, I began to dream of having a home birth. I am delighted to say that she was born in the comfort of our own home. The early days after birth, while recovering in my own surroundings in the company of my husband, my son, and my newborn daughter were special beyond my dreams. I did not fully understand what is so special about a home birth until I had experienced it myself. 

I have a daughter. I love my son dearly, and after having a son, I dreamed of one day having a daughter as well. For the first day after she was born, Brenton was doing all the diaper changing and I kept asking him, "You're the one doing the diaper changes, and you are sure we have a daughter?" We did not find out her gender beforehand, and our families are predominately boys.  while I hoped for a girl, I expected a boy.

I get to breastfeed again.  I loved breastfeeding my first baby.  For a long time, we planned on adopting future children, and one of my regrets was that I would not breastfeed another child.    Samuel nursed for 15 months, and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever done.  It was not easy then, and breastfeeding has not been easy with this baby either.  The specialness of the nursing relationship drives me to persevere.  I am thrilled all over again to nurture my babe in this lovely, God-designed way.

Typical of the life of a mother, I have to cut off abruptly.  Samuel just woke up and my day has begun.

Keep Dreaming On,

Sunny

Learning to Dream Again

Two and a half years ago I shut down my blogs, turned the lights out online.  I decluttered and simplified my life down to a nearly spartan level.  I had to travel that path.  I was hoping to find...well to be honest, I was probably hoping to get organized.  I've fought that battle for years.  In the process, I shut out joy.  I shut out life.  I shut down my dreams.

I am a mom.  Do moms have time to dream?  The hallmark of motherhood is sacrifice.  Sacrifice begins when we give up our well being for three (or more) months of nausea followed by all the other discomforts of pregnancy.  We sacrifice our bodies to stretch marks followed by breasts that will never be as perky as they once were.  We sacrifice sleep.  Our faces become wrinkled with both smile lines and worry lines.  We watch our children grow up one day at a time, living vicariously through their dreams with our own dreams waiting on the sideline.

Maybe not all moms put all their dreams on hold, but I did.

Over this past month, Brenton (my husband) has started talking almost non-stop about building an airplane.  He has dreamed about it for years, but hasn't said much recently.  Maybe he is feeling the pressure of our second kid's due date approaching.  He keeps pushing me, "When we build an airplane, will you help me?"

I know he just wants me around, no matter what he is doing.  Just hanging out is plenty good enough to satisfy him.  Finally he asked why I push so hard against him when he starts dreaming about building an airplane.

"What do I have left to sacrifice?  I've given up all of my dreams.  I've forgotten how to dream.  The only things I have left to give up are our marriage and being a mom." I explained to him.

Here I am, embarking on a new journey, at my husband's request (insistence).  I am learning to dream again.