Two and a half years ago I shut down my blogs, turned the lights out online. I decluttered and simplified my life down to a nearly spartan level. I had to travel that path. I was hoping to find...well to be honest, I was probably hoping to get organized. I've fought that battle for years. In the process, I shut out joy. I shut out life. I shut down my dreams.
I am a mom. Do moms have time to dream? The hallmark of motherhood is sacrifice. Sacrifice begins when we give up our well being for three (or more) months of nausea followed by all the other discomforts of pregnancy. We sacrifice our bodies to stretch marks followed by breasts that will never be as perky as they once were. We sacrifice sleep. Our faces become wrinkled with both smile lines and worry lines. We watch our children grow up one day at a time, living vicariously through their dreams with our own dreams waiting on the sideline.
Maybe not all moms put all their dreams on hold, but I did.
Over this past month, Brenton (my husband) has started talking almost non-stop about building an airplane. He has dreamed about it for years, but hasn't said much recently. Maybe he is feeling the pressure of our second kid's due date approaching. He keeps pushing me, "When we build an airplane, will you help me?"
I know he just wants me around, no matter what he is doing. Just hanging out is plenty good enough to satisfy him. Finally he asked why I push so hard against him when he starts dreaming about building an airplane.
"What do I have left to sacrifice? I've given up all of my dreams. I've forgotten how to dream. The only things I have left to give up are our marriage and being a mom." I explained to him.
Here I am, embarking on a new journey, at my husband's request (insistence). I am learning to dream again.
